Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
