its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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