Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
