too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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