About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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