Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
