She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
love makes seman taste better
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
