guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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