His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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