Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
