i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
