Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
