I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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