You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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