A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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