Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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