will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
