hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
