So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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