ya dads aren't the best wingmen
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
