better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
vagina is talking i cant
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
