Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
