You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
