I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
