I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
