Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
