I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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