i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
