i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
