is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
