pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
