I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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