Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I pour the whiskey from now on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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