Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
