1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
