it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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