i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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