There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
