I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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