he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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