i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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