her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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