I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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