Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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