God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
