Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
