If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
