Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
