my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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