My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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